Paper 1 Question 1
(a)
‘The rise of the new Olympic gold medalist, Usain Bolt.’
Usain Bolt competes alongside Richard Thompson, Walter Dix, Churandy Martina, Michael Frater, Marc Burns, and Darvis Patton in the Olympic 100 metres final.
Usain Bolt had a shaky first 20 metres but that didn’t stop him. Thompson had a good lead on Bolt for a good portion of the race. Making Thompson in first and Bolt in second. However, Bolt started kicking it into overdrive and took longer strides to pass Thompson. Usain Bolt was now in the lead.
At 75, 80 metres Bolt turned his head over his shoulder looking back at his components, was he looking for someone? Ten metres from the line Bolt threw his hands up in celebration knowing he had already won the race.
The race was over in seconds. This was Bolt's first Olympic gold medal in his career. The famous sprinter has many more to come after his performance and comeback in this race.
(b)
A newspaper report and an autobiography use different language styles and structure. The main difference in the writing style is the point of view. In the autobiography it uses first person because Usain Bolt wrote it and described his thoughts and actions throughout the Olympic race. For example, “Oh man, oh man…I’m gonna win this race!” Towards the end of the autobiography this was a thought going on in Bolt's head when he was finishing the race. In the newspaper report I wrote it in third person because I am describing the actions of Usain Bolt and his competitors in the race. For example, “Bolt started kicking it into overdrive and took longer strides to pass Thompson.” This explains what Usain Bolt is doing to pass his opponent in the race.
The structure of the autobiography and newspaper report are different but similar as well. In the newspaper report I started with a headline and then wrote the most important events to the least. I began with explaining who is competing in the race and that the race is ‘the Olympic 100 metres final’. The newspaper report was also structured in short paragraphs where there are three to four sentences in each. The autobiography also is structured with short paragraphs and even just one sentence paragraphs. Most of the one sentence lines are the words Bolt would say in his mind while he was running. For example, “He’s the only dude leading the pack…Keep chilling.” There are single lines of onomatopoeia as well that grab the reader's attention. For example, “Bang!...Pow!” These give the reader a sense of sound and action that is taking place in the race.
The autobiography was written in an informal manner and is written as he is talking to a friend after the race. Bolt explains his view on the race in a very relaxed way. For example, he uses ‘yo’, ‘chill’, and ‘oh man’. These are all terms that would be used when texting or talking to a friend. In my newspaper report I am more formal as the report is going into a sports magazine. I explain the race in chronological order of where Usain Bolt is throughout the race. I don’t use relaxed terms and use language that is just straight to the point. For example, “Making Thompson in first and Bolt in second.”
The autobiography uses more emotional and personal word choice. The autobiography is Usain Bolt so as he described his thoughts he also describes his emotions. For example, “Where the hell is Asafa?” and “Oh man, oh man…I’m gonna win this race!” When Bolt says ‘hell’ he is emphasizing his concern about where his teammate is. It shows that he is worried and confused when he is starting to gain first place. When he uses ‘oh man, oh man’ it shows his excitement and joy about winning the Olympic race. After Usain Bolt says this he describes his actions of ‘pounded my chest’ and ‘I threw my hands up’. This also shows his overall excitement after he had won the race. In my newspaper report it is more ‘professional’ and not as personal. This race doesn’t mean as much to me as it would to an actual racer.
AO1- question 1(a)
ReplyDelete5/5 marks. After reading through your first question, it is really really good. I like how you structured your writing, it flows really well. Even though it seems a little short and I feel you could have said more to add into it, it was written very well. I liked how you introduced the component he was running against in the beginning. It sounds very sophisticated and you can see that you have a good understanding of the text. For example “At 75, 80 metres Bolt turned his head over his shoulder looking back at his components, was he looking for someone?” I really liked how you included a question, it helps make the reader think more deeply about what was going on and was intriguing. I also liked your article title, it helps grab the reader's attention to want to read your newspaper report. Overall, a really well written newspaper article.
AO2- question 1(a)
⅘ marks. As stated in the rubric “content is relevant to audience and purpose; ideas are developed in an effective manner.” I think that this really suits your writing for part a because it does exactly that, yet there are things to improve. For example “ Bolt started kicking it into overdrive and took longer strides to pass Thompson.” This is relevant and important because it is the moment that Bolt was going to win. Overall, I really enjoyed this, just a few minor details need to be worked on.
Overall 9/10 marks
AO1- question 1(b)
⅘ marks. As for part b, you had comparative understanding and showed your knowledge of comparing the two. You gave descriptive comparisons between the two, which helped you understand the difference between your article and the autobiography. For example “The autobiography uses more emotional and personal word choice. The autobiography is Usain Bolt so as he described his thoughts he also describes his emotions. “ This is one of many examples of your deeper descriptions to show your knowledge. The only thing that I would work on is to go more in depth with the form. But overall, a really good job.
AO3- question - 1(b)
8/10 marks. I feel that you did provide a really good detailed analysis of the elements with your description of form, language, and structure. An example is “ he uses ‘yo’, ‘chill’, and ‘oh man’. These are all terms that would be used when texting or talking to a friend. In my newspaper report I am more formal as the report is going into a sports magazine.” I found that this was a great way to help describe the difference of the types of writing between the two. It shows the informal vs. formal writing style that was shown. The example that you gave from Bolt, as he was talking about his own tone of voice in his mind, was a good description and I took notes on what I had missed on my paper and you helped me see what I can do to improve. Overall, good job!!
Overall- 12/15 marks
Question 1a
ReplyDeleteAo1: Understanding
I can clearly see that you understood the assignment and knew the info when you wrote this. You paid attention to the little details that made the race exciting. For this I would give this part 5 marks.
Ao2: Composition
I love that you took on the persona of a reporter and had questions within the report to add suspense. However my only issue is that it sounds bland. I didn’t get much emotion. You had a good report but the audience and the purpose are the main key. The audience wants to feel as if they were there and feel the emotion behind the race so they will read more. Audience and purpose having those in mind will spice up your writing so for a score on this part is 3 marks
Overall Marks for Question 1a: 8 Marks
Question 1b)
Ao1: Understanding
The first thing that I noticed was the way you used your quotes to show your understanding of the text. You were very descriptive and I could feel your confidence when you wrote this. There aren't many critiques I could do or find. So you deserve 5 marks.
Ao2: Analyzation
I love the way you structured your piece. You went in detail further than what I thought and I felt like I was taught something after reading your piece. This is an easy 10 marks. I’m very impressed.
Overall Marks for Question 1b: 15 Marks
Virginia -
ReplyDeleteQuestion 1a AO1-
Her answer shows a clear understanding of the text and the context and meaning of it, what shows this is that she has a headline for her topic question and how she describes her news article shows a detailed understanding of what she is talking about. She also had clear and effective reference to characteristics and features. I give her a level 4 for AO1
AO3 - The answer and responses she gave for the first question was relevant to the audience and purpose as she did talk from an outside perspective and wrote with a headline as if she was writing to the correct audience. Also i believe her content was expressed effectively as i understand all the point she was trying to speak about and for this i give her a 4.
AO1 - I do think that she scored a 3 for the second section of the question because
She had clear comparison of the text with meaning, context and audience, she successfully and detailedly described how the autobiography related to her newspaper article writing and how it referenced characteristic features an example was when she said “the autobiography” and “the structure of the autobiography and newspaper report are different but similar.”
A03
Virginia had very detailed and comparative analysis with form structure and language however her analysis was clear on the writer's choices related to the audience as she stated some but didnt go very much in detail. A good example of this was the 2nd paragraph of question B. A quote showing this was, ”The autobiography was written in an informal manner and is written as he is talking to a friend after the race. Bolt explains his view on the race in a very relaxed way. For example, he uses ‘yo’, ‘chill’, and ‘oh man’. ”